Today was a sentimental day. I haven't got one of these in months.
Was it the snow? Was it from the toss and turn in my bed last night?
Was it my future or the past creeping up on me?
I don't know the reason.

The last one came when I was about to leave for Montréal in the summer.
Two weeks before my departure, mom got sick. She got scheduled for a surgery. Her stresses came to haunt her as tumors in her body.
I felt scared and mad that I couldn't help her. I felt useless.
Still, she insisted that I go on the trip. Said that it would help me see the world through a different lens.

I walked along a train track near my house, and I still remember every little bit of detail.
It was 4 o'clock, the sun was shining behind an abandoned building, with just a hint of sun ray reaching the tracks. There were some kind of tall grass along the tracks, covering up to my knees.
The air was fresh, and I inhaled as much as I could to see if I would pass out. I couldn't.
I also couldn't see the end of the track. So I walked for thirty minutes, but the end still didn't show itself.
It was the first time I truly realized I was selfish. I always had someone to look after me. Whether it be my sister or my mom. They were always there for me.
But I was never "there" for anyone.

I don't like these sentimental days.
I feel lonely even though I have family and friends.
Even nostalgia chills me to the bones on these days.
I feel homeless even though I have a place to live.

Today was a bit different, though.
I was thinking about you.